"Seven down, five to go in Chemotopia."

I'm officially going downhill on my 12-treatment chemo adventure. It feels nice. My last treatment was okay, okay in that I tolerated everything pretty well. My hands are stable, my left foot looks better with each passing day, I'm controlling the pain most of the time, and my spirits are good. All little victories that will hopefully make the next five treatments just as tolerable as the last one was.
As much as I gripe about treatment, I'm still very grateful to be able to get treatment in the first place. I've been asked a handful of times, "Why did you chose to do chemo?"
Seriously? The answer is kind of simple. Chemo chose me. I've got late-stage cancer in my gut ... I didn't have a choice in the matter, really. I'm not against alternate medicine, I just don't think it's the smartest, safest, most reasonable route for me at this stage of my disease. And believe it or not, there are some benefits to being stuck in "Chemotopia".

~ Food awareness. I haven't eaten as much junk food as I did before my diagnosis. This is a good thing. And although I'm still losing weight, I'm much more conscientious about what I put in my stomach now.
~ Relationship awareness. I'm much more aware of the people in my life and how I treat them. I cherish time spent laughing with my dear friends and family, visits from my sister-in-law every Tuesday, phone calls from my mother-in-law, messages from my siblings, and holding hands with my mom. I cherish every second I get to spend with my kids and husband. They have all been so good to me. I'm so lucky to have the support system that I have. And in the same breath, I've been much more honest about relationships that aren't good for me. And although it's hard sometimes, I stick up for myself like I never have before.
~ Health awareness. I'm much more in-tune with my overall physical health because, duh. I have cancer. But now I'm more aware of how much sleep I get, how much walking I do, how many vitamins I take, etc. My body is going through the ringer every two weeks. Chemo is very hard on it. I'm very aware of how I'm feeling and I've learned valuable tricks to help me deal with my treatments as best as I can.
~ Time awareness. Before cancer, time was a commodity I never stopped to think about. Now, time is a very large part of most every decision I make. Do I have time for this? Do I want to spent X-amount of time on that? In the long run, will I look back and consider that time well spent? These are questions that I ask myself now that I didn't ask myself before.
~ Attitude awareness. Negativity affects me so much more now. I can't stand it. I hear complaints about trivial things and I want to grab the person complaining and smack them around a little bit. I'm much more aware of my attitude now. I'm not half as quick to complain about superficialities as I was before.

There are other benefits to chemo, like the fact that it is killing the cancer that is trying to kill me. So today, tomorrow, every day for the rest of my life, I will be grateful to be in Chemotopia and for the awareness it has brought to me.

Carry on,
~K

On my way ... half way done!