"Skee-rew you. And other stuff."

Spoiler alert: This blog post is going to be ultra-feisty and borderline offensive. Skip if you're not in the mood. 

So, this morning I received a pm from a stranger on one of the colon cancer forum groups I belong to. The jest of his message went a little something like this:

"While I can appreciate that you're a strong, young survivor, your situation could have been avoided. Had you insisted on having a colonoscopy, your doctor might have been able to find the cancer when it was just stage 1 or 2 or maybe even pre-cancer. You really did yourself a disservice by letting it get to stage 4 at 40 years old."

ARE.YOU.SERIOUS?

My reply:

"Skee-rew you, P****61. You don't know jack about my situation or you would never have sent me such a ridiculous, insensitive message. Or maybe you would have because you feel it necessary to offer advice to people that you can hardly relate to. Having a friend of a friend with colon cancer does not make you an expert. What are you even doing on this forum? Don't you have better things to do? 

Your message, in general, is accurate but NOT FOR ME. I could have had a dozen colonoscopies during the 10 years before I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer and still ended up here. The results wouldn't have shown a thing, not a single polyp.  So take your condescending advice and stick it!"

His response:

"My apologies."

Grrrr. I can't stand people that talk to me about stuff they really don't know much about. I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. That's like me telling my mechanic how to fix a car. Redonk! I hope my snappy retort keeps him from sending a similar message to others. I really do.

I'll talk about my pet scan results and future plan of action after I calm down. 

Carry on,

Kristin

"Linkage ... Musings of a Med Student."

"More than anything ... I feel tired."

I really love this blog post. It's kind of fiesty, like me. But it's honest, and it's how I've felt a lot throughout my cancer journey. Thank you, Nikhil.

Carry on,
Kristin

"I'm done. I'm finally done. And things are different now."

So ... a few weeks ago, I finished treatment. The last/12th treatment made me so very sick, but I was so happy to know that I'm done with chemotherapy for a while. I was mostly relieved to give my sweet mother a break, to give my hub and chillens a break, and to give my shrinking body a chance to heal a little.

It's taken me weeks to feel good. My emotions are still pretty roller-coasterish. I feel like I've gained some friendships, and sadly ... I think I've lost a few, too. I mostly feel like I've lost a serious amount of time that I can never get back, days and days of fatigued-laced time that I can't remember.

But ... I'm focused on eating well and I'm planning to start "training" next week for a big vacation planned for October with my parents, in-laws, littles, and hub. I'm going to start walking daily, well ... let's say I'll be limping. My left foot is still a mess. But I need to start training to get my body back to a more healthy weight.

There's a cancer movie and a cancer TV show right now that are all the rage. I've decided not to watch either of them. Instead, I'm focused on my scheduled pet scan and my upcoming appointment with my oncologist to see where I'm at ... and what we're going to do next.

The video below is of me ringing the "I'm done with treatment!" bell. My dad Alan is the videographer ... I hug him last, but it doesn't show it. Enjoy.

Carry on,
Kristin