"But my colon is clean."

Do you know how many times I've said those five words in the last two months? Probably a hundred. No, a thousand. Why? It's simple, really. My colon is clean, and I'm talking really clean, not a single polyp or red spot of irritation. Yet I have stage IV colon cancer. How does that happen? I'm still wondering what twisted works my body was going through when the metastatic mass in my abdomen formed and started growing.
I've been asked a lot how I was diagnosed with colon cancer when my colon is completely free of active cancer cells. It's kind of hard to explain. I try to revert to what my oncologist Dr. W. said to me at least 5 times during the appointment when I was diagnosed. "I always bow-down to pathology."

Let's review what some of the reports and pathology has said, shall we?
" The mass returned as metastatic adenocarcinoma with a histologic and immunohistochemical features suggestive of colonic primary. She had colonoscopy performed on Monday, November 11. This showed no colonic neoplasm."
"The histologic features and immunohistochemical profile favor colonic origen. Pancreaticobilliary origen cannot be excluded but is not favored."

"Immunohistochemical stains are received back from ARUP on 11/4/2013. This staining pattern argues against breast, lung, renal cell, adrenocortical, endometrial, ovarian, salivary, bladder, mesothelial, and hepatocellular carcinomas. Pancreaticolbiliary origen remains in the differential. Colon origen is favored."

"41-year-old female with what appears to be metastatic colorectal cancer with undetectable primary by colonoscopy. Her PET CT scan results have been reviewed in detail. Molecular classification by bio-theranostics returned as a 96% probability of colorectal adenocarcinoma."

What does all of that mean?

I honestly don't know. It's hard for me to understand and even harder to explain. When I try to verbalize how I have advanced colon cancer but a clean, intact colon to my close friends and loved ones, I struggle to find an explanation that makes sense ... to them or to me. I chuckle and stumble my way through a lay-man's rendition of my situation. But most of the time, it just confuses me and my listener. 

Sigh. I have colon cancer. But my colon is clean. I count myself lucky on the latter, knowing that colon surgery/resection/removal will not be a part of my cancer treatment plan. I'm lucky to never have to deal with a colostomy. Really, I'm lucky on many levels right now.

But I often wonder if it would've been easier, less confusing and shocking, had they found a tumor in my colon. At least it would feel more validated, more understandable. Maybe I'm still in shock. Maybe not knowing where the mass came from nor how it started is a good thing. 

For now, my plan is to keep in control of my pain, my digestive system, and my emotions. I'll mock having "old man poop" cancer for now, knowing that my colon is clean and the cancer is hopefully dying.

Carry on,

~K