"'P' cancer is a death sentence for me."

A few days after my phone call with Pete, I found myself recovering comfortably from my first colonoscopy. The gastro doc walked in and said words that I will never forget. "Your colon is clean, completely clean. We didn't find a single polyp."

I looked at my mom and I could tell from her expression that we were both thinking the same thing. You see, pancreatic cancer was mentioned on the pathology report; "The histologic features and immunohistochemical profile favor colonic origen.  Pancreaticobilliary origen cannot be excluded but is not favored.  Clinical and radiologic correlation is needed."

My mom is a very smart woman. She's educated and has a lot of life experience that has made her not only book smart, but street smart, too. We talk openly. We had talked about colon cancer and pancreatic cancer. We knew the different prognoses of both types of cancer, so hearing that my colon was clean was disturbing to say the least ... for both of us. 

Thankfully, my mom mentioned the word "pancreas" and the gastro doc replied, "I didn't see anything on her pancreas on the CT scan."

Too late, I thought. Say what you want but the cancer isn't in my colon. The pathology report says the next place to consider is the pancreas. 'P' cancer is a death sentence for me.

I left the hospital so confused; not elated by the good news of my sparkling clean colon but wondering if I had pancreatic cancer.

Later that evening, I discussed my thoughts with my husband and he told me that everything would be alright. I tried to believe him. I wanted so badly to believe him, but after sneaking my phone to bed and reviewing the dismal statistics associated with pancreatic cancer patients, I cried myself to sleep.  

Carry on,

~K

Pre-exploring-of-my-colonage ...