"Say it again, the word that starts with A."

"You have what's called a metastatic Adenocarcinoma."
By this point, I was spinning. Sitting in Dr. L's office, he had just gone over the basic's of the pathology report. Certain words echoed; malignant, colon cancer, not good, staging.
My mom, who is notorious for asking really good questions, inquired about the pathology report and I looked at my husband. I could see from his expression that the news was just as disheartening for him as it was for me.
I hadn't retained much information and I had to physically shake myself to focus. "So, what's the plan again?" I asked.
"We need to to do a colonoscopy," Dr. L said. He talked of tests and appointments that needed to be scheduled with urgency.
I couldn't help but to interrupt him. "Say it again, the word that starts with A."
"Adenocarcinoma."
"Thank you," I whispered.
I watched my husband's thumb gently stroking the top of my hand and pretty much shut down from that moment on.

Much later that night, while I waited for a pain pill to kick in, I decided to start this blog. I'm going to document the next 300 days of my life with cancer, not for anyone but me.

Carry on,
~K

Super optimistic ... or at least faking it.